


titled: journey

by hwiyoung



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Zuho-centric, predebut, sf9 anniversary fic, the relationships are there if u squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 02:01:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12266625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwiyoung/pseuds/hwiyoung
Summary: juho will sometimes joke with people about how he’s lost track of the years he’s spent training, waiting, hoping, anticipating – for his debut.it's very much the opposite.





	titled: journey

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is like. My Baby. (just saying.)
> 
> the end notes have a few notes about structure that might clarify anything thats a bit confusing

**ONE. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.**

Juho will sometimes joke with people about how he’s lost track of the years he’s spent training, waiting, hoping, anticipating – for his debut.

It’s very much the opposite. He's painfully aware of the days, weeks, months passing by.

Maybe it was sometime in the first year, when he woke up and had a terrifying thought that he might never make the cut. But it was only his first few months in the company. He doesn’t need to be impatient. There’s still time.

Except–

The first year turned into the second year and gave way to the third year and while he knows that there are so many others who’ve trained much longer than him, he wonders if he’s being deluded into thinking he even has a chance. Is it just a huge practical joke, that someone like him could be an idol?

Juho looks at his seniors, exhausted by schedules but still with smiles and stars in their eyes as they tell him with conviction, “It’s worth it.”

He remembers, earlier today, sitting in one of the practice rooms with Seokwoo’s hands clasped in his. Though the taller is usually much more gentle and happy-go-lucky, Juho is nearly frightened by the intensity of the fire in his eyes.

“We’ll debut together, okay?”

It’s this, the stubbornness and desire to share his words with the world – that is what keeps him going. He picks up strength and encouragement from his family because he has to persevere. There are people waiting, anticipating him, and he can’t let them down.

The ceiling is bare so he wastes no time staring at it. He’s followed that routine more than enough times in the last few years. Instead, he turns his dreams over in his hands as he falls asleep, examining them and thinking.

Wondering.

  
  
  
  


**TWO. INTRODUCTION.**

Sometime early in his third year, the embodiment of sunshine walks in through the company’s doors and joins the ranks of its trainees.

His name is Taeyang (how fitting) and it takes no time at all for Seokwoo and Juho to adopt him. Their duo turns into a trio.

They all live in the trainee dorms, but while Taeyang and Seokwoo live together, Juho is separated from them.

It doesn’t matter too much in the end, anyway. The schedule is too hectic to think past anything other than practice, eat, practice, sleep, repeat. They get a few breaks but it’s spent catching up on rest. Sleep, if there’s time. Everything becomes about how you can better yourself, to improve, to make an impact during the trainee evaluations so you can fulfil the reason why you’re here, to do what you’re dreaming of.

Perhaps it’s that then, that drives them to this point.

 

 

“You two better sleep early,” Seokwoo warns, with sharp eyes focused on the two sitting in front of him. “Don’t stay up too late with your night-time activities.”

They’re at dinner, and Juho catches himself before he starts to fantasy about what it’d like to break the rules and snack on something secretly. (No, he can’t risk getting caught for doing something like that.)

“Of course,” Taeyang and Juho chorus. There’s an unmistakable glint in their eyes as look at each other.

Seokwoo sighs with a defeated smile because he can guess what will happen once he fall asleep. There’s not much he can do to stop it, but at least he’s told them.

 

 

Once Seokwoo is out like a light (Taeyang peers over other sleeping bodies to check he really is asleep), Taeyang stretches out like a cat and creeps towards the exit. He pauses at the door, and tenses. It’s _notorious_ for being creaky. He has to be quiet. A loud snore from one of the other trainees is taken as an opportunity to cover the noise.

As soon as he’s out, Taeyang heaves a sigh, leaning against the doorframe. Gently now, and with only the whisper of the wind, he steals away into the night.

Juho knows this because the first time they snuck out, Taeyang regales him with this story. It’s unnecessarily dramatic, with animated hand gestures, but it puts a smile on Juho’s face anyway.

In the nights that were to come from then, there are sometimes other interesting things that happen in Taeyang’s escapades. He occasionally has a particularly close call in escaping without Seokwoo waking up, or one of the other trainees will ask him where he’s headed to. He still excitedly tells Juho all about it as he’s connecting his phone to the sound system.

The practice rooms are much calmer at two in the morning. Taeyang is here to practice dancing. Juho is here to write lyrics. His head is much clearer at this hour. He could do it in his own room, for sure, but sometimes it’s easier in the company of someone else, and Taeyang is the only other person awake.

Either way, sometime in the last hour before they leave, Taeyang will pull Juho over to join him. They dance and laugh and end up sprawled out like starfish, the cool ground kissing their skin, sticky with sweat.

It’s exhilarating. More certain than ever, he knows this is what he wants to do. Something that makes him feel alive, something he can pursue and work hard for, with a passion that pumps through his veins.

Juho quietly laughs at an expression Taeyang pulls at him, the sound echoing as it bounces off the walls.

He doesn’t need a mirror to know just how widely he’s smiling.

  
  
  
  


**THREE. FOREWORD.**

Things change in the fourth year for Juho.

He gets placed in a group. His closest friends, Taeyang and Seokwoo are with him.

There are others who entered the company later last year, and this year. Some he’s already friends with, like Youngbin, others he’s talked to once or twice. Over time, they’ve only gotten to know each other better.

They’re being called to a meeting now. They shuffle into the room, one after the other.

Inseong and Jaeyoon are usually by each other’s side, similar to the way Taeyang seems to stick with the younger members of the group now – Alex, Chanhee, and Youngkyun. Jinkyu seems to orbit around Youngbin.

Not much has changed for Juho. He and Seokwoo remain together like they have for the past four years.

Youngbin watches as Juho sits himself in Seokwoo’s lap, and the taller automatically wraps his arms around him. It seems so natural, comfortable.

All of them are holding their breath, filled with nervousness, excitement, and though Juho seems calm, Youngbin can see the smile tugging at his lips.

 

 

CEO Han announces as Youngbin as the leader.

Youngbin knows he hasn’t been training as long as Juho, and honestly, he has his worries. What if he’s not good enough, if there’s someone more worthy of the position? Did they make a mistake? Surely, Juho who trained the longest, would be more qualified? After all, the younger has been in the company twice as long as he has.

He takes the chance to settle his differences one night, when the two of them are the last to leave the practice room.

Their skin is still sticky with sweat and they take their breaths slow and deep, exhausted after hours of dancing. There’s a stillness in the room, not awkward nor busy. It contrasts Youngbin’s mind, thoughts running through it without knowing which question to ask aloud first.

He decides he may as well be blunt. Tentatively, he asks, “Did you ever want to be the leader?”

Juho ponders over the question for a moment, then shakes his head. “I thought about it in the beginning, once or twice maybe. Like a, _what if?_ kind of thing you know?” Youngbin nods. “But, not anymore. This is it.” Juho turns to look at Youngbin. “I don’t think there could anyone else who would be a better leader.”

 

  
They walk back to the dorms in the cool midnight air, conversing in low tones.

“It still doesn’t feel real, does it?” Youngbin murmurs. He pulls his coat a little tighter around him, watching as Juho kick things on the ground. Their eyes follow as small rocks roll a little distance away from them.

Juho shrugs. “I still wonder if I’m dreaming.”

Youngbin glances at the younger, who’s looking up to the sky. He wants to say _look at you, you’re going to debut, finally. Look how hard to worked, you deserve this so much. You and Seokwoo deserve this the most out of all of us._

But perhaps he still hasn’t quite settled into the role of leader, doesn’t quite yet know how he should communicate things to the others, so he keeps quiet. He understands what Juho says though. It still seems so surreal, even though this is their reality now. It’s as if their dreams are finally becoming tangible, within reach.

They’re drawing closer and closer to the dorms, walking in silence until it’s nearly in sight.

Then Juho asks, “Are you worried?”

Youngbin doesn’t seen any point in lying, so he mutters, “Yeah, I am.”

They pause outside the door. Juho looks at Youngbin. “You don’t need to be. All of us are in this together now. Even though you’re the leader and you’re supposed to support us, we’ll support you too.”

Youngbin is speechless.

One step, two steps in closer to Juho, and he pulls him into a hug. What Youngbin struggles to say with his words now, the least he can do is express it with his actions.

It’s something they both need, like an anchor to keep them from drifting away.

The conversation between them is left on the doorstep, only for the night to witness. Youngbin leave behind the heavy baggage of his worries and insecurities outside. He feels lighter now, and it’s a weight he’s thankful to be rid of. They won’t talk about it again, after they enter the dorm and their shared room with Jaeyoon.

In the darkness, Juho whispers, “Goodnight, hyung.”

“Goodnight, Juho. Sleep well.”

Youngbin doesn’t fight it when his eyelids can no longer stay open.

Sleep comes a little easier, tonight.

  
  
  
  


**FOUR. PREFACE.**

In Juho’s fifth year, they film teasers as a part of Neo School.

Some of them get new stage names. _Stage names_. It relieves him a little. The names seem to cement something, somehow.

Seokwoo becomes Rowoon. Sanghyuk is now Dawon. Youngkyun is Hwiyoung. There’s not much change for Chani.

 

 

Neo School can’t be anything else but a school concept. CEO Han explains to them that as they graduate, it means that that trainee is qualified to debut. They have proper uniforms to wear and everything. He doesn’t look too shabby in the unflattering combination of grey and orange, if he’s allowed to admire himself.

The teasers will be released to the public to build anticipation. It’s supposed to introduce them, to hopefully help them gain a few fans before they debut.

It seems more significant for him than the others, in some ways. It marks the beginning of a new era, after training six years for this one moment. Juho hopes he turns out well on camera.

While Seokwoo and Jaeyoon start filming, he finishes up his own and makes a beeline towards Inseong and the other members. He throws an arm around Inseong’s shoulder and tucks his head in the crook of the eldest’s neck. It’s fortunate Jaeyoon’s not occupying his usual spot.

Juho must’ve done well because Chanhee’s eyes are wide as he cheers, “Wow, _hyung_ is so handsome!”

“So charming!” Taeyang agrees quickly.

“Our Juho is so good-looking, right?” Sanghyuk bumps his shoulder.

The others’ praise leaves him feeling shy. His cheeks colour and he grins, tightening his arms around Inseong. “Thanks guys.”

Inseong’s voice is soft and melodic when he whispers into Juho’s ear, “You did well.”

They continue watch the others keenly, as scenes of Sanghyuk, Alex and Jaeyoon play out. Youngkyun has a scene of him simply waking up while everyone else is doing _something_ active.

“It’s not like it’s wrong,” Chanhee claims. “Youngkyun is always one of the last ones to wake up.” Chanhee laughs and to this day, Juho still doesn’t get how the maknae gets away with dropping honorifics so often.

  
  
  
  


**FIVE. INTERLUDE.**

“ _Hyung_ , you already washed the dishes?”

Juho sets down a plate and turns to where the voice comes from. He has a niggling feeling in the back of his mind that this scene has played out before.

It’s Youngkyun, who walks into the kitchen with hair clinging to his scalp like seaweed on the beach, and a towel loosely wrapped around his shoulders. He looks older, a bit more tired, and when Juho blinks, he sees someone younger, with a slightly chubbier face and wide eyes.

He blinks again and the image is gone, replaced with a lean figure and dyed green hair. Juho frowns. _Have they grown up that quickly?_ He shakes his head. It’s been two years since he’s known Youngkyun, of course he would’ve grown up. (Where did the time go? Has it passed that quickly?)

Juho wipes his hands on his clothes, leaving damp hand-prints on his shorts. He turns to Youngkyun.

“You finished already? I didn’t hear the water turn off.”

Youngkyun nods. “Taeyang-hyung’s in there now.”

Juho doesn’t need Youngkyun to tell him. He already knows, because he can hear the other practicing his lines for their comeback.

(Taeyang always did like to sing in the shower.)

  
  
  
  


**SIX. NARRATIVE**

Slight before they film teasers, and in the same year, FNC tells them they’re going to have their first public performance as a unit of eleven.

CEO Han also says they’re planning to debut them soon.

It’s slightly nerve-wracking, and all eleven of them have been frantically practising lines and rehearsing dance moves. This is the first time he’s managed to catch a break in a long time. He’s glad for things easing up a little for a while, however short it might be, before they get tossed into the bustle of preparations.

Taeyang rests his elbows on the counter with his chin in his hands. His head is tilted to one side as he asks, “You know, why can’t we hold concerts in bathrooms?”

Juho looks up from his notebook, side-eying the younger. “Are you seriously asking me this?”

“I mean, everything sounds so much better. It makes you feel more confident, too.” At Juho’s disbelieving look, Taeyang pouts. “Don’t brush it off just ‘cos you’ve never tried it! You should give it a shot, at least.”

Even though Juho snorts, he shelves Taeyang’s words somewhere in his mind for later reference.

 

 

There’s not many people in the dorm, so Juho figures it’s as good a time as any. He shuffles his way into the bathroom and locks the door. He looks into the mirror. _It’s a bit dirty,_ he notes.

The reflection of Juho carries a piece of paper with scribbled lyrics in one hand, and the other hand runs through his hair nervously.

He can feel the flush creeping up his neck as he realises he’s actually taking up Taeyang’s advice.

It’s not like there’s anything to lose. (Except maybe his dignity, but that doesn’t matter that much.)

He takes a deep breath and lets the words fall out of his mouth.

  
“Is Juho-hyung rapping in the bathroom?” Chanhee wonders, sitting on his bed. It’s not like it matters who’s bed it is anyway, since they don’t mind sharing with each other.

It’s a meeting of the youngest quartet. Alex sits beside him, and Taeyang is on Youngkyun’s bed. The elder clings onto him like a koala, head resting on his shoulder. Youngkyun doesn’t look phased at all, except for the faintest blush on his cheeks.

Chanhee seems ignorant to the duo before him (maybe purposefully), and remains intent and focused, with his forehead creased. Alex nods, and says, “Sounds like it.”

The youngest four strain their ears, trying to catch the words of the _hyung_ with the swag nose. It’s not too hard a thing to do, when the walls are thin.

On Youngkyun’s shoulder, Taeyang can’t help but smirk in victory, just a little, at the sound of Juho’s deep voice.

 

 

Juho comes to the conclusion than it’s good to try new things. He’s blissfully unaware of the going-ons in the neighbouring room, but as he finishes, he can’t help but notice he feels a little less tense.

Maybe it’s because it’s a new environment to practice in. The bathroom acoustics really do sound good, almost like he’s performing in a concert. The sound of his voice ricochets off the walls when he builds intensity and if the release isn’t satisfying, he doesn’t know _what_ would be.

When he leaves the bathroom, he makes a note to try to take in other people’s advice from now on.

  
  
  
  


**SEVEN. CLIMAX.**

In his sixth year, Juho wonders if FNC is ever planning to actually debut them.

It's been a few months since teasers came out, as well as their first performance. They filmed Neoz School, to maintain interest and stay relevant to the public. They’re supposed to be pitted against each other as a competition to see who’ll debut, but each one of them cling onto the small hope they can debut as as one unit.

The other thing is they’re also no longer eleven.

Jinkyu has left the company. Alex is cut from the the first batch of Neoz, but he remains as an FNC trainee. Juho slightly stresses about what it means for him, if he’s about to get dropped for the team too. It’s irrational, but there’s always still a chance.

It feels like the company is trying to compensate for something when they give him _Zuho_ as a stage name. Even though there’s no different in pronunciation. Zuho just _looks_ like he’s got much more swag. He’s satisfied with that, he supposes.

 

 

Juho wonders if he should know by now that FNC will always have something to screw him over. (Maybe it’s bad of him to think of his company in this way.)

But, how can he not, when CEO Han tells them, “We’re going to have a new show.”

His heart stops. New show.

A _survival_ show, no less.

Cold fear weighs him down like stones. Insecurity creeps it’s way up in his heart, crawling out of the pit of his stomach, heavy and sluggish. It twists its way through his lungs and constricts them, his mind fogging over with only one thought left.

_Dance or Band._

They might not debut.

Neoz Band might debut instead and how many more years of training for them, _him_ , would that be? His own senior, Kwon Kwangjin, trained for ten years, but would Baek Juho be able to wait that long?

Watching the band perform tells him this is going to be a _serious_ competition _._

Then, he’ll just have to put all his effort in. No more holding back. Not like he ever did, but before when he gave 100%, if that wasn’t good enough – he doesn’t have a choice but to push even harder, to give his 120%.

 

 

Taeyang and Juho spend more late nights in the studio. It’s much like their earlier trainee days, but there’s a few different things.

Juho’s main purpose is no longer to write lyrics, and nowadays, they’re not sneaking off without Seokwoo.

This time, Seokwoo joins them, as do six others. They’re all working together towards the same goal. They’ve become one unit, one team. A family.

They practice until their limbs are sore and they’re soaked in sweat. By then, all nine of them are sprawled out on the ground, usually heaped on top of each other in a sweaty mess.

“Why do we do this? We’re all sweaty.”

“Stop complaining, this is team bonding.”

“That hurts–”

“You’re sitting on my hand, hyung.”

“Jaeyoon, why are you so heavy?”

“Take that back! I am _not_.”

“Ow, watch out–”

Sanghyuk crows triumphantly from the top of the pile. “I’m the king!”

From the very bottom, Youngbin groans. “I’m getting squashed.”

“That’s because we love you.”

Laughter rings loud and clear in this space. Their jokes and banter fill up the space and makes his heart light. He realises in that moment, somewhere in the middle of the heap, that there’s no other people he wants to share this journey with.

There’s no way Neoz Dance can lose to Band.

  
  
  
  


**EIGHT. RESOLUTION.**

“We _won!_ ”

There’s varying celebratory cheers and shouts, mixed with with hugs and some tears. Juho is just as excited as the rest of them.

“You know what this means, right?” Seokwoo murmurs to him, taking his hand. He squeezes it reassuringly, and Juho thinks he might be crying a bit. He’s not a cold guy, yet he’s also not the type to get sentimental (he’ll leave that to Youngkyun). Even so, his heart and mind chant _finally, finally, finally_.

This is what he’s been waiting so long for.

Relief floods him like a tsunami, picking up the rocks of doubt and fear and washing them out to sea because–

He’s made the cut.

He, Baek Juho, is about to _debut_.

Jaeyoon catches his eye and their eyes meet. In that moment, Jaeyoon’s crinkle up in a smile and he strides over to throw his arms around Juho. They cling tight to each other, Jaeyoon sobbing dramatically.

“Juho! Can you believe it?” He nearly screeches. “We’re going to debut!”

  
  
  
  


**NINE. EPILOGUE.**

"How do you feel about finally having your debut stage?” Sanghyuk asks in his MC voice. He’s slipped into his persona, even though there’s a distinct lack of recording cameras in this moment.

Juho can’t stop the growing grin at the simple thought of _debut_.

Sensational First 9. (Later Sensational Feeling 9, but irrelevant at this stage.)

“It feels sensational,” he jokes, swatting away one of Sanghyuk’s hands threatening to mess up his hair.

Sanghyuk retracts his hand and pauses. “You’re going to be great.”

Juho shakes his head. “We all are.”

 

 

Lights shine on the stage, so brightly. The spotlight is on them. There’s a sea of fans cheering for them. People who’ve taken their time out to come and support them.

They’ll make this worth their time.

 

 

SF9 has finished their first stage as a debuted group. Before he goes to sleep that night, he visits Seokwoo and Taeyang’s dorm first.

As soon as he pushes open the door and kicks off his shoes, he can hear quiet bickering from one of the rooms. His best guess is that it’s Youngkyun and Chanhee. About what though, he wouldn’t have a clue.

He heads to the room he knows Taeyang and Seokwoo share, and find them already collapsed onto the beds. Taeyang is face up, while Seokwoo lies on his side. Juho flops onto the bed beside Seokwoo.

It’s almost, almost like old times. Just the three of them against the world. (Maybe not quite so dramatic.)

They lie there in silence. None of them seem like they can erase the grin that seems to be temporarily stuck on their faces. The air conditioner makes a low groan.

“We made it, huh,” Taeyang wonders aloud.

Juho blinks up at the ceiling. Though it seems identical to his, it feels different in another room. “We debuted together.”

“We did make a promise,” Seokwoo murmurs.

Juho thinks, _Of course_. There’s no way he could forget something like that.

“How do you think we went?” Taeyang asks.

Juho rolls over onto his side to face Taeyang. “It didn’t go as well as it did in practice.”

“True, I made a few mistakes.”

He ponders. “I think I could’ve done better.”

“Honestly, I felt nervous even though we’ve performed before.”

“That wasn’t a debut showcase though,” Juho reasons with Taeyang. “You’re bound to be more nervous.”

Seokwoo adds his own comment into their discussion. “Don’t forget we’re only rookies. And this is just our first performance. Let’s just celebrate that we've debuted. We can think about getting better and improving later. We have _time_ now.”

(Time seems such like a foreign thing.)

They all hum in agreement.

 

 

Juho wanders back slowly to his own dorm.

The first thing he does is wash his face, and then he looks at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.  _The surface is a bit dirty_ , he notices as an afterthought.  _Some things have changed, but a lot has remained the same too,_ he thinks, looking at the mess of toothbrushes, razors and facial care, on the bathroom bench.

He closes his eyes and whispers under his breath, the words to his raps. Juho can nearly hear it now, the loud screams of the crowd cheering for SF9, his group. There are people now, who are supporting, encouraging him, and he can’t let them down.

He can recognise the beginnings of the exhaustion found in his seniors, but even better, he thinks he can finally understand how they can say so convincingly, “It’s worth it.”

  
  
  
  


**TEN. POSTSCRIPT.**

_Congratulations on 1 year of debut, SF9._

_You’ve worked so hard these years with all your effort._

_All Fantasies are so proud of you and how far you have come. You have grown up so much, but we know you’ll only continue to become bigger._

_Please remember to take care of yourselves. Don’t push yourselves too hard, or overwork. Eat well, rest when you can, drink lots of water._

_Even when you feel tired, Fantasies will always be cheering for you. We’ll always continue to support you._

_Let’s stay together for a long, long time, SF9. We love you._

**Author's Note:**

> some explanations for u:
> 
> this is supposedly like a sequence using parts of a book (not rly) so here goes:  
> 1\. acknowledgements: acknowledging people who helped/inspired  
> 2\. introduction: introducing trainee life  
> 3\. foreword: setup to neoz by someone else  
> 4: preface: setup to neoz by the author  
> 5\. interlude: break from the chronology  
> 6\. narrative: a story  
> 7\. climax: the complication  
> 8\. resolution: how it's resolved  
> 9\. epilogue: the consequence  
> 10\. postscript: after the end
> 
> hope it makes a bit more sense! honestly this is my longest work (a bit pathetic, i know). half of it was written past 12am, so i'm really glad i finished this in the end :-)
> 
> also! applications for [writesf9](http://writesf9.tumblr.com/) are currently open if you want to apply! it's quick, simple, and you can join a cute group chat and bday fic exchange!! so many bonuses for taking only 2 mins to submit a form!! ~~huhu watch there be no appliers from my promo~~
> 
> leave kudos and i'll leave u all my love. feel free to hmu on [twt](http://twitter.com/hwistan/) or [tumblr](http://youngkyun.co.vu/)!


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